


how to hit on Zenigata and not actually hit him

by TemporaryDysphoria



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, M/M, Porn With Plot, The 'we need to seduce him to distract him' trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:02:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22525978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TemporaryDysphoria/pseuds/TemporaryDysphoria
Summary: "I'm sorry, you want me to do what?"Jigen has to seduce Zenigata to distract him so Lupin can steal something unobstructed.That's it. That's the plot.*A/N: I wasn't happy with the ending, so I revised it. You can read it again for the new ending, or not - I'm not your mam*
Relationships: Jigen Daisuke/Zenigata Kouichi
Comments: 31
Kudos: 180





	how to hit on Zenigata and not actually hit him

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JigenDaisuke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JigenDaisuke/gifts).



> This was sitting half finished for months before I got inspired to finish it via discord.  
> Cookie for @Jigen if you can find the small homage to you. 
> 
> Enjoy the basically plotless attempt at smashing Jigen and Zenigata together in a room.

“I’m sorry, you want me to do what?”

Lupin didn’t answer straight away. Either he hadn’t registered the note of astonishment in Jigen’s voice, or maybe he was just outright ignoring him, it was hard to tell sometimes.

“Lupin, are you out of your mind?”

“What? He’s your type?”

“He’s my what?” Jigen spluttered indignantly.

“I think you forget sometimes, Jigen dear,” Lupin swung around in his chair to face the gunman head on. “I’ve met most of your exes. You like to pretend you don’t, but you have a _type._ ”

Jigen folded his arms with a huff, offended now.

“I do not.”

“You do too, don’t argue.” Lupin chuckled to himself before he took a long look at Jigen’s face and sighed. “Don’t look like that, it’s not a bad thing.”

“I’m not that predictable.”

“Eeeeeh,” Lupin ground the sound out between his teeth, “You kinda are. To me anyway – I know what you like.”

“And what’s that then?” Jigen grumbled around his cigarette.

Lupin grinned at him widely. Arrogant. Cocksure.

“Anyone that can kick your ass into next week. And old pops certainly fits that criteria.”

“I – uh” Jigen was spluttering again while Lupin looked on in glee.

“I’m not wrong, am I?” he said in his annoying sing-song voice that he used when he knew he’d won an argument.

Unfortunately for Jigen, he wasn’t wrong. Asshole. And Pops _did_ tick a lot of his boxes, even though it wasn’t a thought he allowed himself to entertain very often.

That was normally reserved for times when Zenigata really pulled out all stops and impressed him. When he’d manage to catch them, even for a small second and his expressive face would light up with barely concealed triumph.

When they were forced into altercations and he was starkly reminded that Zenigata wasn’t just a desk inspector – but that he was the real deal with skills to match. More than once, Jigen had taken a solid punch to the jaw or a kick to the torso because he’d underestimated how quick, how strong Pops actually was.

And it wasn’t like the inspector was unattractive. He was solid in a way that Jigen, or Lupin, or even Goemon could never be. Built like a brick wall and twice as stubborn. The kind of man Jigen wouldn’t mind being pinned against a _literal_ brick wall under –

Okay, so maybe he ticked a lot of Jigen’s boxes.

But that still didn’t explain –

“Why do I need to seduce him?”

“Because we need him distracted, and since he’s got his new officer, he’s been harder to distract for a good amount of time.”

Lupin was buried in his book again, completely oblivious to Jigen’s eye roll.

“Don’t we need to distract both then? His baby cop isn’t gonna let me drag old Pops away without a fight.”

“Goemon’s handling him - you just worry about Pops.”

“O-kay.” This was all new information and Jigen didn’t really know how to make head nor tail of it. “And why do I need to _seduce_ him – can’t I just take him aside and knock him out?”

“You’ve been grouchy lately.” Lupin said absently, twirling his pen between lithe fingers.

“Right,” Jigen said slowly, dragging out the single syllable longer that it had any right to be.

“Look,” Lupin huffed, “If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but I need him out of the picture for a good hour or two.”

“Mmhmm.”

Jigen was already walking out the door, done with the conversation in every sense of the word. Lupin’s voice called out behind him. “You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about how he’d fuck. I have!”

Jigen groaned out loud at the unbidden images that came to mind at Lupin’s crass words.

Maybe he did need to get laid.

* * *

It was as he was getting ready that Jigen reflected that he’d been spoilt for many years. He never had to dress up; hell, he never had to clean up for Lupin or Goemon. When the only people you fuck are people who’ve already seen you at your worst, a little untrimmed or unwashed hair was the least of anyone’s worries.

It was a foreign concept now to pull out the trimmer with the express purpose of trying to hit on someone. Especially someone he normally purposefully went out of his way to hit.

_Key difference there Daisuke. Hit on him, not hit him._

Suit on, beard trimmed – he felt like a different man. He must have _looked_ like a different man too, with the way Lupin’s eyes ran unashamedly up and down his form when he walked out. The thief was up on his feet in seconds.

“I’ve changed my mind,” he said, running a hand up Jigen’s side, sliding it beneath the jacket, “you can stay here and distract me if you like.”

“Bullshit.”

Jigen managed to disengage himself with minimal rumples to the suit, thankfully. Lupin was putting on the puppy eyes, but they weren’t going to work tonight.

“We need to do this job so I can get paid, asshole. I’m not drinking that sorry excuse for whiskey for another week if I can help it.”

“Fi-ine. Remember the warrants.”

Lupin was still pouting as he closed the front door, but a grumpy thief was the last thing on Jigen’s mind. Jigen didn’t have the first idea how he was going to convince Zenigata to leave the bar with him to go to a secondary location – and that was before he even considered the idea of sleeping with the man.

He didn’t have long to think either – because before he knew it the bar was upon him. Interpol had put the inspector up in the hotel above the restaurant, and Jigen and Lupin had been scouting out Zenigata’s habits over the last few days. Turns out he was partial to a drink in the evening without his ever-present protégé. No wonder, the kid seemed to have more energy than Lupin, and a mouth to boot. Jigen would have lost his patience months ago.

The good inspector seemed to be in a world of his own – so Jigen pulled out a tried and true tactic. He slid onto the barstool beside the man.

“Got a light?”

“What? Sure- “It took him a full moment and Jigen’s cigarette was lit before recognition flashed across his features, “ _Jigen!_ ”

“Getting slow, Pops.” Jigen grinned, blowing smoke between them.

Zenigata frowned, fingers itching to where his handcuffs sat at his waist, “What are you doing here? What’s Lupin up to?”

Jigen chuckled, Pops always reminded him of a particularly stubborn bull – or maybe a bulldog. Something that gripped something with full force and _never_ let go. He could admire that about the man.

“Can’t a man have a drink with his favourite inspector without being suspected of foul play?”

Zenigata grumbled again under his breath, “It’s always foul play with you lot – don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to. Lupin’s probably out stealing something _as we speak_!”

Jigen made a noncommittal sound in his throat, grinning when Zenigata frowned at him again. He checked his watch, nearly a full minute before the cuffs had come out, snapping his wrist to a rail under the bar. He fished out the papers from his jacket with his free hand.

“Not so fast Pops, I’ve got a present for you.”

Zenigata grabbed the papers and stared at them, holding them closer than was probably necessary. Or maybe it was – the inspector was getting older after all. Distracted for a small moment by the thought of Zenigata in a pair of spectacles like Lupins’, Jigen almost missed the disbelieving scoff.

“You didn’t…”

Jigen motioned to the barman for a drink, and rattled the cuff against the metal while Pops continued to make incredulous noises as he flipped through the pages.

“You’ve got nothing on me Pops. I’m a free man in this country.” Zenigata stared and Jigen was pleased to see a little something other than casual indifference in his piercing gaze. “Free to have a drink with my favourite inspector.”

“You cleared out your warrants – to have a drink with me?”

Zenigata sounded suspicious, as he had every right to be. After all, he was spot on with his deductions, even if Jigen hadn’t confirmed them. He didn’t get so close to catching them for nothing – the man was good at his job.

Jigen gave him his best smile, pleased when the guarded expression dropped just a little more. He rattled the cuff again.

“Do you mind? I’m not against the cuffs, but I’d prefer to be in a bedroom.”

Zenigata spluttered as he moved to undo the lock. The very beginnings of a blush were starting to tint his cheeks. Maybe this was going to be easier than Jigen thought. He hadn’t really pegged the stoic detective as a man who was this easy to fluster.

The handcuffs were pulled away with a click, and back at Zenigata’s belt – still in full view, probably just to remind Jigen of who he was dealing with. The inspector sighed, before crumpling up the warrants in front of him.

“Let’s have this drink then.”

* * *

This drink, turned into two drinks. Which then turned into 4 drinks. Which then took a side tangent to a conversation about a mutual _friend_ on the American Police Force. Which then turned into Zenigata trying to quiz Jigen about Lupin’s current whereabouts. Which then turned into Jigen ordering two of the most alcoholic cocktails he could find in order to hopefully take the inspectors mind _off_ his colleague and pull it back to _him_ for a moment.

Not that he was jealous or anything, but there was only so much deflection a man’s ego could take in one night.

“How is it?” Zenigata asked, watching Jigen take a large sip from the tall glass.

He grimaced at the sheer amount of sugar he could taste, but there was a definite alcoholic burn underneath it all.

“Sweet. I don’t normally do sweet. But it’s not bad.” Jigen took another sip, and it wasn’t quite as sickeningly sweet the second time around.

Pops hummed beside him and followed suit. He was more relaxed now, hat discarded beside him. A card game was being set up across the room. Jigen was fairly confident he could fleece a few people of their money if he had the urge – or the time. Zenigata followed his gaze and his eyes narrowed when he saw the table being set up.

“Oh no you don’t,” he said gruffly, tapping the bar near Jigen’s arm, “I’m not sitting by to watch you count cards.”

“Ouch Pops,” Jigen swung around so he was facing the bar again, “I don’t count em all the time.”

“Sure you don’t,” Zenigata grumbled.

Jigen estimated he had about 10 minutes before the game was going to start, _if_ that was his decided course of action. It wasn’t going to be, unless Zenigata turned him down now – which was still a possibility. Hell, it was only as he slid a sneaky hand over the inspector’s thigh that he realised he didn’t actually know if Pops was even into dudes or not. He might be looking at a one-way ticket to a black eye.

He could practically see the moment that Zenigata noticed his hand. The mans whole body tensed up.

“What are you playing at Jigen?”

“Testing the waters.”

The pink flush across Zenigatas cheeks was back. He spluttered a little indignantly, tiny incomprehensible noises, but he didn’t move the hand.

“I was serious about the handcuffs.” Jigen grinned when the flush grew darker. He leaned in, pitching his voice lower in the way that made Lupin absolutely fall to his knees. “I’m propositioning you Inspector. Are you interested, or not?”

Zenigata didn’t answer straight away. He hid behind a long sip of his drink for a moment before he coughed to clear his throat.

“I shouldn’t – “

“But are you interested?” Jigen cut him off.

“You’re a criminal.”

Jigen leaned in again, “Not in this country.”

Zenigata sucked in a breath and held it, refusing to meet his gaze for a long moment. When he finally did it was the same vicious searching expression he wore when he was trying to figure out one of their many tricks and illusions.

“What’s your game here? What do you want?”

With his hat gone, his tie pulled across to the side loosely and the top buttons of his shirt undone, Pops was looking like quite the picture. Jigen leaned his leg against Zenigata’s bar stool, snaking his hand from a thick thigh, button by button until his fingers reached the tie knot. He pulled it.

“I’d quite like to go upstairs. Maybe have another drink, maybe not.”

Zenigata’s eyes widened the more he spoke. Jigen hadn’t had to pick up anyone in a while, but he suspected that with the way Pops was looking at him now, he was going to be successful despite the lack of practice.

“I’m almost as good on my knees as I am at trick shots.”

Zenigata’s jaw clenched and Jigen huffed out a chuckle.

“Then, if you’re up for it, I wouldn’t say no to being fucked into the floor…Or a mattress” he added as an afterthought.

Zenigata opened his mouth and closed it again, seemingly lost for words.

“Only if you’re interested, of course.”

When the inspectors gaze slid up his body to his face there was no hiding the undeniable interest underneath the flushed cheeks. When he put the glass down, it was empty.

“You can’t win me over that easily. I’m not stupid enough to think that this is anything more than a ruse so that Lupin can get away with something.”

“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t,” Jigen twirled the inspectors tie between his fingers, “If it makes you feel better, you can cuff me to the bed in case you need to leave in a hurry. Though I’d rather you didn’t leave at all.”

The cogs were ticking over in the inspector’s mind, Jigen could almost see them. Weighing up the pros and cons. Trying to figure out the likelihood of whether the whole thing was a setup or not. Finally, that strong jaw set itself in a firm line.

“I’m interested.”

Jigen grinned.

This wasn’t Jigen’s first ‘bar pick-up’ rodeo. But there was something different and decidedly unnerving about following Zenigata up the stairs with the knowledge that in less than 48 hours he’d probably be chasing them down the street again as they made their dash to leave the country.

It was little bit dangerous, and _that_ was right up Jigen’s alley.

* * *

Zenigata shrugged out of his trench coat, back on full display and Jigen was starkly reminded of just how _big_ the inspector was up close. It was something that he already knew as an abstract, but in this small, half dark hotel room – there seemed to be a lot more than a few centimetres and kilograms between them in size.

Large fingers stumbled around top buttons and a wave of inebriation made Jigen’s vision fuzzy around the edges. Muscular shoulders felt too large for the inspector’s shirt as Jigen ran his hands appreciatively up the front of the fabric, fingers catching under a stiff collar.

He was clean shaven and now that he was up close, Jigen found himself wondering what Pops would even look like with a 5 o’clock shadow, or perhaps edging closer to a full beard. It would have to be better than Lupin’s attempts (not that that was hard). A heavy hand came to rest just above his hip. The weight of what he was about to do hit him all at once and the gunman had never been more thankful for liquid courage as he stared up into the face of the man who’d been trying to put him in cuffs (and not the sexy kind) for the better part of the last two years.

It turned out his nerves were fleeting and easily replaced by arousal as he was pulled flush against the inspector’s body. The man was built like a literal brick wall and when he pushed back Jigen’s hat with a free hand to slot their mouths together – well, the gunman had a few new things to say about brick walls.

Namely, how good they felt when they surrounded him with hands large enough to keep him in place if they wanted to. And how all it took was a tiny movement, and then the 3cm height difference between them suddenly felt a lot larger – and not in a bad way. How when one of those large, heavy hands started to untuck Jigen’s shirt from his waistband he found himself wondering _why hadn’t he done this sooner?_

_(Oh, that’s right – because you’re a criminal, Jigen, and he’s a cop.)_

The hands faltered for a moment and Jigen had to lean back to see the inspectors face clearly.

“Not having second thoughts, are we?”

Zenigata shook his head as though he was trying to clear it of something. He mumbled something under his breath that Jigen couldn’t quite catch.

“What was that?”

The inspector cleared his throat with a rough cough. “Just didn’t ever really expect us to be in this particular situation, that’s all.”

For a man with a hard on currently pressing into Jigen’s hip, Pops was doing an excellent job of keeping his composure. A composure that it was quickly becoming Jigen’s sole mission to break. The muscle in Zenigata’s jaw tensed as Jigen slid a hand between them – tracing his shape through the thin fabric of his dress pants.

“Better take full advantage then Pops.” With his free hand he pulled the inspector down by the tie to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “It might not come again.”

That seemed to spur Zenigata into action. Before he knew it, the floor was connecting with Jigen’s knees, and he found himself face to face with the bulge he’d been palming. Jigen shivered as he looked up into Zenigata’s wide, almost predatory grin. It was the same grin he wore when he managed to Lupin or himself in cuffs and in a police car – and Jigen knew right then and there, that he was never going to get arrested without thinking about being on his knees ever again.

“You said you were good on your knees,” the inspector rumbled out above him.

“Oh I am.” Jigen confirmed, palming the inspector again from his new angle, smirking when the man bucked forward minutely.

“Prove it,” Pops growled, and _damn_ , if that didn’t do something right down to the base of Jigen’s cock – still tightly confined in his own pants.

Even with his pants down by his knees and his cock in Jigen’s mouth, Zenigata still managed to be a commanding presence. Jigen hummed around the head of his cock, pleased when the motion sent a heavy hand carding through his hair, knocking his hat to the ground. Zenigata’s fingers tightened, just on the verge of painful. Precum tingled against Jigen’s tongue, and a single gentle thrust was all the warning he got before the full length of Zenigata’s cock was pushed back into his waiting mouth.

With one hand against Zenigata’s hip to steady himself, he fumbled with his own zipper and belt buckle, because _goddamn,_ everything was _too tight._ The few strokes he managed to get in barely relieved any pressure. Zenigata groaned somewhere above him, fingers tightening impossibly further in Jigen’s hair.

Zenigata grit out his name through clenched teeth as he pulled away from Jigen’s mouth, leaving him gasping for breath. The fingers left Jigen’s hair and he missed the tight pressure for all of a second before he was forcibly pulled up by his lapels. Mouths crashed together, and then Zenigata had them both gripped in hand – pulling upwards, ripping a low moan from the back of Jigen’s throat.

“Get this shit off,” Zenigata growled against Jigen’s teeth – a heavy hand leaving a trail of heat as it rucked up the dress shirt uncomfortably high.

Skin to skin, with the backs of his knees against the bed, Jigen was still marvelling at all the contours of Zenigata’s body that he could see before he noticed something shiny hanging from one of the inspector’s hands.

“Wha- _Oh_ ”

“Turn around, Jigen.”

The handcuff closed with a click that again, Jigen was never going to be able to hear in the future without thinking of this exact moment. He could feel the dip of the mattress as Zenigata climbed up behind him, could feel the heat emanating from his body as he leaned over him to press a chaste kiss to his neck and shoulder.

“If I’d known it was this easy to get you in cuffs I woulda done this years ago.”

Jigen huffed, arching back. The metal of the cuff clinked against the iron rail of the headboard as he struggled to find a better position to dig his hands in.

“This is a special case Pops, and don’t you forget it.”

Zenigata hummed noncommittally from somewhere above him and the next thing Jigen knew was the slippery intrusion of fingers, crooking, stretching, testing his resolve as he tried not to press back against them. Resolve that was quickly being torn to pieces as Pops managed to twist his digits into _just_ the right spot.

“Y’gonna fuck me into the mattress or not, old man?”

He opened his mouth for another insult but it fell short of his tongue because in that moment, Zenigata removed his fingers and replaced them with the thick, definite outline of his cock. He shuddered against Jigen’s back as he pressed in, inch by torturous inch, taking Jigen’s breath away with every small movement. He could feel the barrel chest expanding with every inhale the man took, large hands gripping his hip and shoulder so tightly he could almost _feel_ the bruises he was going to have tomorrow.

“Y’all good?” came the mutter over his shoulder.

Jigen was good. Jigen was more than good. Jigen was absolutely one hundred percent _fine_. All Jigen needed was for Zenigata to _stop_ talking and to _start_ moving.

“M’not gonna break,” he said, hoping that the inspector could understand the words muffled into his forearm.

Zenigata moved slowly, dragging his hips out until he was almost completely gone. Then he slammed back in with a vicious thrust of hips that left Jigen sagging boneless underneath him.

“You sure about that?” he rumbled, turning Jigen’s face to the side so he could press their mouths together, drinking down the last of Jigen’s shameful groaning.

Jigen glared at the confident flushed red face. Scratch the handcuffs, scratch the proud arrest grins – he wasn’t going to be able to look at Zenigata at all without thinking about this for the rest of his life.

“Try me.” He growled out instead, because he was in for a penny, in for a pound – and he may as well get his money’s worth.

He _felt_ Zenigata chuckle against his neck and then there was another vicious slam that left Jigen panting and breathless. He bit down a groan into his forearm as Zenigata swung his hips again, and again, until the only thing Jigen could hear was the slap of skin on skin.

Pops stroked him roughly in time with his thrusts, and for the second time that night Jigen was grateful for the amount of alcohol they’d drunk – because there was no way he’d be lasting as long as he wanted to in this situation sober. When Pops swore lowly behind him, shifting his legs to get a better angle, the heat dropped immediately into Jigen’s gut.

He pulled against the handcuff to try and arch back, but there wasn’t enough give. The metal dug into his wrist and made a traitorous clinking noise against the bed – and only served to add to the sensory overload of having Zenigata around him, in him, pinning him down (though not nearly enough). A pillow was shoved underneath his hips and Jigen didn’t even bother to try and hide the groan as he finally had something to rut against that wasn’t air.

He pulled against the cuff again, looping his fingers around the chain to grip it tightly.

“Stop that,” Zenigata ordered from somewhere around his right ear. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

Jigen turned his head with a grumble, trying to find the inspectors face. The frantic pace Zenigata had set was starting to slow – and that just wouldn’t do.

“I thought I said,” he began, and it was almost worth the loss in friction to see the inspector’s eyes widen – pupils blown, and dark. “That I wanted you to pin me down and _fuck me_ , inspector.”

Zenigata breathed out a muted, reverent ‘ _fuck_ ’ and his hands tightened against Jigen’s hips.

The next snap forward ripped a loud groan from Jigen’s throat. His groin was pushed further down into the soft, forgiving plushness of the pillow – a stark contrast to the rock-solid fingers leaving bruises against his thighs. His spine tingled as Zenigata ran his fingers up the length of his back, splaying his hand between shoulder blades and _pressing_.

The vicious frantic pace from before was finally back, and Jigen stopped bothering to try and hide the grunts and groans that Zenigata was almost literally fucking out of him. It could have been minutes, or hours or days, that Jigen was teetering on the edge. It felt timeless, until Zenigata somehow managed to surround him even more. Truly impressive, that he could be everywhere and still maintain such a constant push and pull.

“C’mon,” he urged, and Jigen would swear that it was hearing the inspector sound so breathless and needy that undid him in the end. He came with a shattered groan, hips stuttering even as Pops continued to piston into him, until he felt him falter too. Zenigata came gritting Jigen’s name out between his teeth and _there was another thing that Jigen was never going to be able to hear again without getting a raging hard on._

The inspectors body draped over him, heavy and tired. A comfortable weight though, not one that Jigen was looking to get rid of anytime soon. He groaned when he felt the inspector lever himself up on his arms, and again when he slipped out of Jigen, leaving him wanting more.

“I s’pose you’ll want to be going now you’ve got what you came for.” Came the gruff voice from beside him. The handcuffs clicked and Jigen had control of both of his hands again. Even sated, Zenigata was still a picture. From his broad shoulders, down his hairy chest, to the heavy cock hanging half hard between thighs that could break a man’s neck.

Jigen considered the options. He _could_ go. He’d given Lupin enough time. Then he looked at the inspector again and stood, wincing a little but grinning at how the movement made Zenigata’s cheeks flush.

“I only need about twenty minutes.” He said, and felt his ego preen at the way Zenigata ran his eyes up and down his body once more. “If you’re interested.”

Zenigata’s jaw was set in a firm line again, and Jigen felt the urge to kiss it until that composure broke once more. A single step brought him right back into Jigen’s space and Jigen could _feel_ him speak, the deep tones rumbling about through his chest.

“Oh, I’m still interested.”

* * *

The next day when he could still feel the burn in the back of his thighs, even he had to admit that perhaps the idea wasn’t a completely terrible one.

Perhaps it was even one to consider repeating if the opportunity arose.


End file.
